Americas High Five

PATRIOT
A person who loves, supports, and defends his or her country and its interests with devotion


I live in Michigan, more specifically i live in Battle Creek, Michigan, by means of Grand Rapids. and i gotta tell ya, i love this place, Michigan is THE shit where else can you live and hold up your hand like a 12 year old and point to it and say "i live here" NO WHERE thats fuckin where.we may not have the greatest economy or leaders or weather but damn it i like around these parts.  you don't hear people say "i live in Iowa and its great" that because Iowa sucks, i know, I've been there.


Look we have been through hard times lately. and we are doing our damnedest to make it through the tunnel. Detroit has always been a hole so i'm not worried about it there but look and the things going on right now.  The art scene is fantastic, the beer flows like a river and hell yea its good, the local music scene .......is surviving. and the beards and mustaches in the mitten are just all awesome.


I vote that we as people young and old try to change the state motto, From E Plurbus Unem to Michigan-Americans High Five and Beer Supplier. what do you think??? i need responses.This isn't California, we aren't hippies, and Arnold Swartzen fuck it, isn't in charge. Lets make it our own and have fun and make Battle Creek and Grand Rapids, and even Detroit and everywhere in between a good, nay, GREAT, nay, AWESOME place to live again.


now time for Adams Favorite Michigan beers, in no particular order


Arcadia Brewing Company- Sky High Rye


Arbor Brewing Company- Olde 22


Founders- Centenial IPA


Bells- Expedition Stout


New Holland- Ichabod Pumpkin Ale

There is's a reason it's called the BOOB tube

Well hello my little bloglings, I am so so so sorry I haven't posted anything in a while, I have been very busy and kind of couldn't find inspiration. BUT FEAR NOT!!! I am back with a TV post and coming next week we may or may not have a guest blogger.  I will prolly do this from time to time, so if anyone is interested, let me know, or forever hold your peace. Now, with no further adieu, your blog post.

Television, is a device created by man for, well everyone, but mostly men.  Yet somehow we let our airwaves be drowned out by crap.  Look T.V. brings the family together, sad but true, and thats awesome, i am all about family time, but some of these things on TV just make you say "are you fuckin serious???" and then someone says "yea i'm fuckin serious, your point?" then you say "shut up, dick."  But sometimes you come across some programs of TOTAL badassness!!!

We all have our favorite things to watch, sports, fighting, cartoons, the news, shark week, whatever you enjoy, TV has it, and yes boobies too.  what do you enjoy?? Politics? fuck you go to there is a whole block of programming for you, it's called CSPAN. Sports, take your pick from one of the many ESPN channels, whatever you crave, the box gots it. All i am here to do is tell you what i like to watch and what you shouldn't be watching, to be a solid dude.

Adam's top 3 Likes on TV

1.  Cartoon Network- i mean what makes you feel more like a kid than cartoons? and this channel has it in it's name, yea the programming has gone downhill a little bit over the past years, but thats just because FOX reinstated Family Guy.  and they don't really have any anime on until like 4am, who is up then??? i want my Big O at 11pm right when i have to go to bed.

2. Fuel TV- it's an extreme sports channel, and it plays some good tunes on some of these shows too.  There is even a show dedicated to guys slamming....haaaaard! and the only channel that has Surfing played on it.

3. History/Discovery Channel- I am all about learning, and Mythbusters, and American Pickers, and Sharks, and Modern Marvels, and Sharks.  who had the idea to say "hey boss lets have a whole week of shows dedicated to sharks fucking shit up"  b/c that man is a genius

Things you shouldn't watch unless you need to feel better about yourself:


Jersey Shore, who gives a damn about what these over privileged pukes.  Apparently most of America, when did we become retarded??? i say  it was Vietnam.  but the girls on this show aren't hot, the guys are idiots, and yet they make a ton of money

American Idol-  if i wanted to watch Karaoke i would head on down to Sports Page and have a beer and watch the old people sing.  Simon Cowell is gone, i now give this show 2 more years before it's cancelled

Sister Wives- do i really need to say anything else about this???

Teen Mom/16 and Pregnant- i admit, i watch this sometimes, mostly to try and figure out WHAT THE FUCK ARE PARENTS DOING!!!??? like for serious, these shows piss me off so bad b/c i can't figure out how teenagers can have sex and just assume everything is going to be all peaches.

next post will prolly be about beer

Dudequette Lesson One: The Shaker (Public Restrooms)

Alright so in a public restroom there are certain rules, i shouldn't have to remind you but there may be some things you don't know, or you do and you don't care because you suck at life.  So here is your refresher course El Sucktron.

1. When entering a public restroom and someone at a urinal looks over all that is required is "The Man Nod" (you know what that is, so i won't tell you), anything more than that makes you look gay and you want to touch his naughty bits.  So no high fives, or hand shakes, or "hey whats up hows the family?"

2a. When stepping up to the urinal always leave at least one urinal between you and anyone else.  If you must be the meat to two guys white bread, you look like a weaker man because your timing to go pee was off, and thus you again are a girl.

2b.  This one is kind of a given, never, ever, under any circumstance, look at another man at a different urinal, even if it is one of your bros, no, unacceptable.

2c.  Don't talk at the urinal.  If spoken to, the only acceptable answers are one or two word responses, like "Fuck Off" or "Shut Up" or maybe if you swing that way "My Place?"

3.  Don't hover! sit your ass down, take your shit, wipe, and get off.  You aren't a girl, there is no need to hover.

3a. When you sit down to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool, whether you know it or not, you are in a game of Battle Shits with anyone else in the bathroom, so make those Cosby kids do a couple cannon balls!

4. Wash your filthy hands, thats what separates us from the monkeys! Rinsing them off with water does in fact count.

5. Don't write on the walls, the only people who do that are kids and trailer trash, which kids pretty much are, so just trailer trash then

Americas Number 1 sport, like for real though?

Ok I'm sorry to do this to you America but you need a good bitch slap, WHAT THE HELL IS SO DAMN INTERESTING ABOUT NASCAR!!!!!

You know who runs around in circles, retards. yet every Sunday millions of people cram around the picture box for i don't know how many hours to watch 20 some guys drive around in a circle for 500 miles.  you might say "i watch it for the crashes" and i will say "GO TO YOU TUBE STUPID! there are literally thousands of videos of car crashes"

And give me one driver that has a good, solid mustache, not a shit lip or a hair lip but a good full mustache, or beard, or a Fu Manchu.  None of the drivers in NASCAR are cool, at all........ever. (Richard Petty being the exception)

And if NASCAR is a motor sport then why the hell would you limit the top speed in which you can go?it isn't safe??? hell Indy goes 50 mph faster and they still walk away from their crashes.  Maybe you need some more talented drivers in NASCAR or maybe better safety regulations, not speed control, you effing babies.

Man up NASCAR! don't be a girl

on another note, the top five acceptable motor sports for solid dudes:

5.  Pro Go Karts, these fuckers go 70 mph IN A GO KART!!!! SHITS CRAZY!!!!

4.  Lawn Mower Racing, same effect as the go karts, BUT on a lawn mower, these are men of ingenuity

3. Trophy Trucks.  you try being in a hot ass truck, in the desert, going 60 mph over random terrain DAMN

2. F1, the fastest of the real motor sports(drag racing doesn't count, you go in a straight line, pussys)

1. Rally, 70mph, off road, snow or gravel or dirt ice or tarmac, it all happens, oh yea and you are in a sedan

Auto Parts Etiquette

Believe it or not, if you don't know what you are doing when you go into an auto parts store you are an idiot.  Thats not saying you need to know about automotive repair, but you should know certain information about your vehicle to make things go faster and so you look less stupid and here are a few of those things:

1. Know your year, make, and Model. if you don't know what you are driving, you can't be helped.  and it has happened before. It's like a guy going to the doctor and saying "yes doctor i think there is something wrong with my vagina." yea cuz that makes any sense.

2. Know what engine you have. if you need brakes, most of the time you don't need to know this, but there are a few instances where you do.  a co worker was approached by a customer and heard this "yea i need an engine sensor '93 Pontiac Grand AM," my co worker replied "which sensor do you need, there are quite a few."  He then heard " I dunno" to which he replied "what engine do you have in your Pontiac," stupid face said "IUNNO"
there is no help for you at this point

3. Know what part you need. if you come up and say "I need the thing that goes from my strut this really long bar" we pretty much do know what you are talking about, but not always, especially if you sound like you are talking with shit in your mouth.

What it really boils down to is if you know these few basic things, you will be helped just fine.

There will be more rules to come

Manly Bowl 45

Well another Super Bowl has come and gone. Two teams met and one came out the victor. One player of which is from Kalamazoo, so a big pat on the back to you Greg Jennings.

I don't follow pro football that much i feel like the players have little heart left and all they are doing is playing for the money, hence i watch college football (even tho the BCS is a devil spawn).

So I didn't care who won the Super Bowl UNTIL!!! I saw a god among men, a diamond in the rough, a how do you say MAN OF TOTAL BAD ASSNESS!!!!! i am of course talking about Pittsburgh Steelers defensive end Brett THE DIESEL Keisel, this man:

Now THAT is what you call a beard, that beard alone could have beaten the Packers.  That beard alone could cure world hunger and that beard alone my friends, can solve the economic crisis. i heard it killed a bear, i heard it has it's own twitter, whatever it did, be afraid, or embrace it, your call, but don't say i didn't warn you!

Seriously?!?

you are from Michigan or anywhere in the Midwest, this is just flurries.  Man up, quit bitching, and dont drive like an asshole, your four wheel drive won't always save your life.

And you wouldnt be so cold if you grew  some hair on your baby face, Nancy