Dudequette Lesson One: The Shaker (Public Restrooms)

Alright so in a public restroom there are certain rules, i shouldn't have to remind you but there may be some things you don't know, or you do and you don't care because you suck at life.  So here is your refresher course El Sucktron.

1. When entering a public restroom and someone at a urinal looks over all that is required is "The Man Nod" (you know what that is, so i won't tell you), anything more than that makes you look gay and you want to touch his naughty bits.  So no high fives, or hand shakes, or "hey whats up hows the family?"

2a. When stepping up to the urinal always leave at least one urinal between you and anyone else.  If you must be the meat to two guys white bread, you look like a weaker man because your timing to go pee was off, and thus you again are a girl.

2b.  This one is kind of a given, never, ever, under any circumstance, look at another man at a different urinal, even if it is one of your bros, no, unacceptable.

2c.  Don't talk at the urinal.  If spoken to, the only acceptable answers are one or two word responses, like "Fuck Off" or "Shut Up" or maybe if you swing that way "My Place?"

3.  Don't hover! sit your ass down, take your shit, wipe, and get off.  You aren't a girl, there is no need to hover.

3a. When you sit down to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool, whether you know it or not, you are in a game of Battle Shits with anyone else in the bathroom, so make those Cosby kids do a couple cannon balls!

4. Wash your filthy hands, thats what separates us from the monkeys! Rinsing them off with water does in fact count.

5. Don't write on the walls, the only people who do that are kids and trailer trash, which kids pretty much are, so just trailer trash then